The other night, I called my kids to dinner. No one moved. I called again, this time with a little more edge. Nothing. By the third attempt, I was teetering on the edge of madness, standing in the doorway like a deranged town crier—Dinner is ready! Come eat, you ungrateful little creatures!

And then, one of them had the audacity to look up from their Lego tower and say, Just one second, Dad, I’m finishing this part.

Oh, the irony.

I tell my kids all the time, Be patient. Wait a second. Don’t interrupt. And yet, here I am, barging in on their world, expecting instant obedience like I’m some kind of royal decree. If they tried to pull that on me when I was mid-email or mid-bite of my sandwich, I’d hit them with my classic, Hold on, I’m in the middle of something.

So why do I do this? Why do I expect my kids to just drop everything and immediately comply, when I would never do the same?

The Hypocrisy of Parental Expectations

I think it comes down to an illusion of authority. Somewhere in my brain, there’s a little voice whispering: They should just listen because I said so. But should they? They’re humans, not programmable robots. They have their own agendas, their own focus, their own priorities—just like I do.

If I’m deep in work and my wife suddenly yells, We’re leaving in 30 seconds, get in the car! I’d panic. My brain would short-circuit. What? Where? Now? I’d probably mumble something about finishing my thought first.

So why am I shocked when my kids do the same thing?

What Science Says About It

Turns out, my frustration isn’t just personal—it’s biological. Kids don’t shift gears as quickly as adults because their brains are still developing the ability to manage impulses, focus, and switch between tasks smoothly. Research from the Center on the Developing Child at Harvard University confirms that young minds aren’t wired to drop what they’re doing and immediately comply—they need time to process and adjust.

So… How Do I Stop Being a Hypocrite?

If I want my kids to respect transitions, I have to model it first. A few strategies I’m (imperfectly) trying:

  1. Give More Warning: Instead of the abrupt “Dinner! Now!” approach, I can give a heads-up: “Dinner in five minutes, start wrapping up.” Their brains need time to shift gears, just like mine does.
  2. Respect Their Focus: If I expect them to respect my work time, I need to respect their play time. That means not yanking them away mid-build, mid-drawing, mid-epic-imaginary-battle.
  3. Offer Choices, Not Dictates: Instead of demanding, I can frame it differently: “Would you like to finish that up quickly, or pause and come back to it after dinner?” No one likes to be barked at, including kids.
  4. Mirror What I Want to See: If I want them to be patient, I need to show them patience. That means actually waiting when they say, One second, I’m finishing this. (Deep breaths.)

The Big Takeaway

I expect my kids to just listen because it’s more convenient for me. But real respect is a two-way street. If I want them to listen to me, I need to listen to them. If I want them to be patient, I need to be patient.

So the next time I’m about to storm into their world demanding compliance, I’ll try to remember: Their time and focus are just as real as mine. If I wouldn’t like being yanked away mid-task, why should they?

At least, that’s the plan. Check back next week when I inevitably forget all this and find myself yelling, Why aren’t you listening?!

The Focused Fool Newsletter – Growing as Men. Leading as Fathers.