A couple of years ago, my wife and I decided to shift from giving our kids stuff to giving them experiences. You know, more “make memories” and less “trip over a plastic unicorn at 2 a.m.” The idea sounded great in theory. Who doesn’t want to be the cool parents who take their kids on adventures? But, full confession: when it comes time to buy presents, I struggle. I want to give my kids all the joy of Christmas morning, the kind that only an overstuffed stocking and a mountain of gifts can provide. But do they really need more stuff, or do they need more of us?
When you really think about it, how many gifts do you actually remember from your childhood? I can recall a few, like the Garfield phone whose eyes popped open when you picked up the receiver (truly, a ’90s kid’s dream), but most of them are a blur. What I do remember, though, are the experiences. Like the time my family rented a motor home and drove around Lake Michigan. I must have been about ten. We stayed at campgrounds along the way, and I have crystal-clear memories of squeezing Cheez Whiz onto Ritz crackers (a delicacy of the road) and warding off some overly rambunctious kids from picking on my brother at a playground. But what did I get for Christmas that year? Not a clue.
This all hit home for me recently as I prepped for my daughter’s 10th birthday. When our oldest turned two, my wife and I started a tradition of decorating the house after the kids went to bed. It was easy back then. She went to sleep at six, and we had the evening to transform the house. Fast forward to now, and I find myself hanging streamers at midnight, trying not to wake the light sleeper in the next room.
Every year, without fail, all four of our kids wake up to a decorated house, and they absolutely love it. They get so excited—not because of the gifts waiting for them, but because of the magic we created while they slept. It’s a reminder that the true gift is our time, our attention, and the little traditions that say, “We love you.”
The Science Behind Experiences vs. Material Gifts
It turns out, there’s some solid science backing this whole “more experiences, fewer things” approach. Researchers have found that investing in experiences brings more enduring happiness than material possessions. According to a study by Dr. Thomas Gilovich at Cornell University, experiences create longer-lasting satisfaction because they become part of our identity (ScienceDaily). Experiences lead to anticipation and lasting memories, while material gifts often provide only temporary happiness before they blend into the background.
Transitioning Kids from Presents to Experiences (Without Being the Grinch)
Of course, explaining this to kids is another story. You can’t just announce, “No more presents! We’re taking a hike instead!” and expect cheers. Trust me—I’ve tried. What I’ve learned is that kids do better when they’re involved in the process. We started asking them to help plan experiences, whether it’s a simple backyard campout or choosing which museum to explore. The more input they have, the more they own the adventure.
We’ve also learned to set expectations early. We talk about our favorite family memories and how those made us feel, subtly (okay, sometimes not so subtly) steering them toward the idea that experiences are where the magic is. I might even pull out the old “Do you remember what you got last Christmas?” line—always good for a blank stare and a point for Team Experience.
The Role of Experiences in Building Family Bonds
What I didn’t expect was how much these experiences would do for us as a family. Sure, they make for great Instagram posts—because nothing says “family bonding” like a forced group selfie at the top of a trail—but more importantly, they give us stories to tell. We still laugh about the time our tent collapsed in a windstorm or when our youngest tried to “cook” a worm over a campfire. (Spoiler: It was not delicious.)
Those shared stories and inside jokes create a sense of belonging that no toy could ever match. They remind our kids—and, honestly, remind me—that we’re in this together. Whether it’s a road trip, a movie night, or even just a board game marathon, it’s the togetherness that counts.
Quality Over Quantity: Fewer Toys, More Play
Interestingly, science backs this up, too. Researchers at the University of Toledo found that kids play more creatively and for longer periods when they have fewer toys. The study showed that reducing the number of toys available to children increases the quality of their play and encourages deeper engagement with each toy (University of Toledo News). It’s like their imaginations have room to stretch. When our playroom was overflowing, our kids seemed overwhelmed, bouncing from toy to toy like pinballs. But with fewer options, they settle into deeper play. It’s like Marie Kondo for the mind—except with less folding.
This has also helped me realize that experiences are the ultimate “fewer toys” approach. When we take the kids to the beach or on a hike, they’re not thinking about what they don’t have; they’re fully engaged with what’s in front of them. There’s a lesson in that for all of us, I think.
Trying to Get It Right (And Sometimes Failing Miserably)
So, I’m trying. Trying to give my kids more adventures and fewer gadgets. It’s not always easy—especially when I see how much joy a new toy can bring, even if just for a moment. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t still get that Christmas itch to fill the living room with presents. But when I see how much my kids light up at new experiences—and how those memories last—I know it’s worth it.
And if not, well, at least I’m getting really good at hanging streamers in the dark.
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