Why Measuring Backwards Might Be the Most Forward Thing You Do
You’re staring at your to-do list at 6:04 a.m.
It’s already judging you.
There it sits on your nightstand—a crumpled Post-it, a few half-sent texts, and that vague note in your phone that just says “permitting stuff.”
You haven’t even brushed your teeth, and somehow you’re already behind.
Three weeks ago, I had one of those mornings. I woke up with my brain immediately cataloguing everything I wasn’t doing: three digital products in rough-draft purgatory (Dad Connection Toolkit, Dad Reset, and my 10 Pillars book), and three work projects that needed estimates, permitting, and document uploads. The kind of stuff that looks simple on paper but multiplies like gremlins when ignored.
“Why am I always behind?” I thought, staring at my messy constellation of productivity systems. “I planned everything.”
Cue that creeping sense of failure, even though I’m actually getting a lot done.
Sound familiar?
The Problem with Forward-Focused Productivity
Here’s the thing about to-do lists. They’re inherently future-facing.
Useful? Sure. But also overwhelming.
Every unchecked box becomes silent evidence of not enough. Every item you add feels like proof you’re falling behind, not that you’re thinking ahead.
If you’re a perfectionist or high-achiever (and let’s be honest, most of us dad-types who read productivity newsletters are), to-do lists become moral barometers.
You can handle a work crisis, make dinner, play with your kids, and still feel like a failure because of one unfinished task.
It’s exhausting. And frankly, it’s backwards.
Introducing the Done List
What if I told you there’s a simple practice that could shift everything?
Not another app.
Not a better system.
Not a new way to organize your chaos.
Just this:
Start writing down what you did, either as you do it or at the end of the day.
Welcome to the done list.
It’s beautifully simple. Instead of only tracking what needs to happen, you track what actually did.
It’s rooted in behavioral psychology. Progress fuels motivation.
When you see your effort, especially the kind that gets buried under the noise of fatherhood, work, and life, something shifts.
A done list helps you realize you’re not lazy, behind, or failing.
You’re just human.
And humans, especially dad-humans, do more than they give themselves credit for.
Why Measuring Backward Matters
Growth isn’t always visible in the mirror. It shows up in hindsight.
Think about your kids.
You don’t notice them growing daily, but suddenly they’re reaching shelves they couldn’t before.
The done list is the fatherhood version of compound interest.
Small deposits. Big returns.
But instead of money, you’re collecting evidence of effort.
This isn’t just sentimental reflection.
When you track your wins, even tiny ones, you interrupt shame spirals and reduce mental fatigue.
Your brain starts recognizing patterns of success instead of cataloguing failures.
You begin to see that productive days aren’t defined by perfect execution of planned tasks, but by meaningful response to real life.
TO-DO LIST vs. DONE LIST
| TO-DO LIST | DONE LIST |
|---|---|
| Future-facing | Evidence of effort |
| Creates pressure | Builds momentum |
| Often aspirational | Always real |
| Can produce shame | Fuels self-compassion |
Your to-do list tells you what’s missing.
Your done list reminds you of what’s already been built.
Real-Life Examples
Last Tuesday, here’s what my done list looked like:
- Wiped counters
- Fixed the leaking sink
- Called the pediatrician
- Played catch with my son for 15 minutes between an online class and a load of laundry
None of those were on my to-do list.
All of them mattered.
This is the fatherhood reframe we need:
You didn’t finish your inbox, but you finished a book with your kid.
You didn’t close that deal, but you made time for family dinner.
You didn’t format those digital products, but you played catch when your son asked, even though you were busy.
Your to-do list would call that a distraction.
Your done list calls it good parenting.
How to Use a Done List (Without Becoming a Psychotic Tracker)
Keep it low-fi.
Field Notes.
Back of a receipt.
Phone notes app.
Pick one. Start today. That’s it.
Start with 3–5 “done” items each day.
Include the obvious wins like “finished presentation” or “bought groceries.”
But also log emotional wins:
- “Didn’t lose it when the six-year-old said his socks were too sock-y.”
- “Listened to my daughter vent about friend drama without trying to fix it.”
Honor the invisible labor.
The emotional heavy lifting.
The Dad tax of finishing cold fries and refereeing sibling squabbles.
The stuff that never makes it to your to-do list but defines your character.
Once a week, review it.
You’ll start seeing patterns, what energizes you, what drains you, and what really matters.
The Counterintuitive Truth
Sometimes doing less, but measuring it differently, creates more motivation.
Done lists train your brain to value process over perfection.
They teach you that discipline doesn’t always mean more hustle.
Sometimes it means more noticing.
More appreciation for the fact that parenting is a messy, moment-driven job that rarely sticks to your calendar.
A friend and I have this phrase we use.
“No one will remember us in three generations.”
Sounds dark, but it’s freeing.
All the things I’m stressing over today? Forgotten.
But how I show up in the margins? That’s where meaning lives.
Your Practical Template
Daily Prompt:
What did I do today that moved the needle, even if nobody else noticed?
Weekly Recap:
What patterns am I proud of repeating?
Bonus Idea:
Start family done lists.
At dinner, instead of “How was your day?” try:
“What’s something you’re proud you did today?”
You’ll be amazed what your kids remember when you start asking.
Measuring Backward Isn’t Weak. It’s Wisdom.
Your to-do list will never be done.
There will always be another email, another repair, another project.
But your done list?
That’s where legacy begins.
It’s how you retrain your brain to recognize the effort that matters, not just the outcomes that seem urgent.
It’s where you learn that playing catch between laundry and meetings isn’t a distraction from productivity.
It’s productivity of the highest order.
And once you start seeing those moments, you’ll realize this:
You weren’t behind after all.
Start Your Done List Today
Even if it’s just:
✓ Woke up early
✓ Didn’t scroll first thing
✓ Read this article
Now share one small win with your kid, your spouse, or a friend.
Legacy isn’t made of checkboxes.
It’s built in the moments no one sees, until you learn to see them yourself.
The Focused Fool Newsletter. Growing As Men. Leading As Fathers.
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