We’ve all heard the saying, Men are dogs. And let’s be honest—most of the time, it’s not meant as a compliment. It usually implies that we’re thoughtless, impulsive, or just in it for the chase. That’s why Alison Armstrong’s perspective stopped me in my tracks. She flipped the script, saying:

“Men are dogs. Yes they are. They’re loyal. They’re always happy to see you. They’re looking for something to do for you, what could they bring you. They just want to be admired and appreciated.”

At my core, I want to show up and contribute. I don’t need a pat on the head, but I do thrive when I have a sense of purpose, positive reinforcement, and the knowledge that my efforts matter. Sound familiar? It should—because that’s exactly how dogs operate.

And just like a dog whose owner comes home in a terrible mood, I can get reactive when my spouse or partner is unhappy. I think, What did I do? How do I fix this? And if I feel like I can’t fix it? I get frustrated, shut down, or even snap back.

But here’s the thing: Her emotions aren’t always about me.

I Too Know What It Feels Like to Be Thirsty

For years, I thought listening meant fixing. If my wife was frustrated, I assumed she wanted solutions. My brain instantly went to: What’s the problem? What’s the plan? Let’s execute.

But then I heard Jordan Peterson explain that women often need to lay all their cards on the table—to express everything they’re feeling before they can even process the situation. The act of talking through it is part of their solution.

That hit me. Because I had always been jumping ahead to the answer before she had even finished the question.

This idea is echoed by Jillian Turecki, who says that when a woman is overwhelmed, she doesn’t need immediate solutions—she needs presence. She needs to know she’s being heard, not hurried toward a fix. And when men immediately try to fix things, it can feel dismissive rather than supportive. Instead, what actually helps is listening, validating, and being fully engaged in the moment.

It’s like in White Men Can’t Jump, when Gloria tells Billy: ‘When I say I’m thirsty, it doesn’t mean I want a glass of water. You’re missing the whole point of me saying I’m thirsty. If I have a problem, you’re not supposed to solve it. Men always make the mistake of thinking they can solve a woman’s problem.’

And what does Billy do? He completely misses the point and gets defensive, confused as to why bringing her water wasn’t the right move.

That scene used to make me laugh. But after hearing Turecki’s perspective, I had to ask myself—how many times had I been Woody Harrelson in my own marriage? How often had I tried to throw solutions at my wife when all she really wanted was to be understood?

It made me realize something even bigger—my role in our relationship wasn’t about fixing every problem or making every tough day disappear. That’s when I had a breakthrough…

I’m Not the CEO of My Wife’s Happiness

For a long time, I thought it was my job to make my wife happy. If she was in a bad mood, I took it personally. If she was stressed, I thought I needed to “fix” it. And if I couldn’t? I felt like a failure.

Then one day, it hit me: I am not responsible for her happiness.

There was a time when every disagreement felt like a test I was failing. But one day, something shifted. I don’t even remember what we were arguing about, but I had been doing a lot of yoga at the time, and I felt more centered than usual.

In the middle of a heated conversation, I suddenly had a rare moment of clarity: Wait… I am not responsible for her mood right now. And just like that, the tension lifted.

That realization stuck with me. Since then, I am not responsible for her happiness has become a mantra. Whenever I feel myself taking things personally, I repeat it—and it helps me relax and listen.

Now, before anyone freaks out—this doesn’t mean I don’t care. It doesn’t mean I ignore her struggles or refuse to support her. What it means is:

  1. I am responsible for my own happiness.
  2. She is responsible for hers.
  3. We are responsible for supporting each other.

That realization was freeing. It meant I could finally show up as the partner she actually needed—without the pressure of fixing everything. I could listen without getting defensive. And I could actually enjoy being her partner instead of feeling like I was failing every time she had a bad day.

Final Thoughts: How to Be a Good Dog (Metaphorically Speaking)

If men are like dogs, then here’s what I’ve learned about being a good one:

  1. Loyalty matters – Show up, listen, and be present. Sometimes that’s all that’s needed.
  2. Don’t bark at everything – Not everything is a crisis or a personal attack.
  3. Stay playful – Relationships don’t always need solutions. Sometimes, they just need fun.
  4. Know when to sit and stay – If she’s venting, just listen. That’s your job in the moment.

At the end of the day, I’m not her emotional guard dog, trained to chase away every bad mood. I’m just here to walk beside her. I’m her partner. And that means supporting her, not carrying the weight of her happiness on my back.

And honestly? That realization has made me a happier man, a better husband, and—yes—a dog who finally understands his role.

PS: If this resonated with you, share it with a friend who needs to hear it.

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