Being a dad is amazing, don’t get me wrong. I love being there for my kids—coaching soccer, building LEGO fortresses, and explaining for the 100th time why, exactly, we don’t eat crayons. But between work, parenting, and attempting to remain married, I’ve found it’s pretty easy to lose myself along the way.
If you’re nodding your head, welcome aboard, brother. We’re in this together.
So, here’s the big question: How do you find time for you when there already aren’t enough hours to find time for everything else?
I’ll be honest; the answer is annoyingly simple and brutally tough. You carve it out. You fight for it. And sometimes, you set your alarm clock to an hour that’s painful just to look at.
The Ugly Truth About Early Mornings
I’ll admit it—4:30 AM sucks. It’s dark. It’s cold. Even my dog looks at me like, “Dude, seriously? Go back to bed.” But that’s become my reality because, oddly enough, it’s the only guaranteed “me time” I’ve got. Before kids, I’d laugh at anyone who willingly woke up this early. Now, here I am, the guy I used to mock.
But here’s the kicker: even though it stinks, it’s also awesome. There’s something oddly satisfying about knowing I’m up before everyone else. It’s my time—no negotiating with tiny humans, no interrupted Zoom calls, just a quiet moment to be selfishly and blissfully alone.
Getting Creative—AKA Desperate Times
Not everyone is a morning person, I get it. Maybe you’re more of a night owl, or maybe mornings at your place look like a chaotic audition for a circus act. That’s okay. Sometimes finding time means getting seriously creative. Like, Olympic-level creative.
Case in point: my friend and I have daughters who attend basketball practice twice a week. Normally, that’s prime sitting-in-the-car-scrolling-my-phone time, but we decided to use it differently. Thankfully, their school has miles of biking trails nearby. So, we threw on some ridiculous-looking helmet lights and hit the trails in the dark. Now, we squeeze in an hour-long mountain biking session while our kids practice layups.
Sure, we look like something straight out of Stranger Things, pedaling furiously through the woods with our headlamps bobbing, but it’s amazing. And truthfully, it feels like we’re pulling off a heist every time we do it—stealing back some joy from our overcrowded schedules.
Start Small, Start Weird, Just Start
The key isn’t to reinvent your entire life tomorrow. (Trust me, I’ve tried that. Spoiler alert: it didn’t go well.) It’s about baby steps. If mornings seem impossible, don’t wake up three hours early—just try 30 minutes. Maybe that time is for coffee and ESPN highlights or catching up on news without someone yelling, “Dad, watch this!” 200 times.
I have another buddy who occasionally wakes up super early to watch action movies nobody else in his house will tolerate. Picture him, a bowl of cereal at 5 AM, watching Die Hard for the 400th time. That’s his slice of paradise.
Your version might be a walk around the neighborhood, reading, journaling (not my thing, but hey, it works for some), or meditating (also tried it, ended up mentally planning my grocery list instead—but respect if you can do it).
The crucial thing here is to disrupt the monotony of your daily grind. Shake things up, break the cycle, and reclaim a small chunk of your life back. These little, intentional actions might feel insignificant at first, but trust me, they add up to something profoundly impactful.
Why It Matters
Here’s the uncomfortable truth: neglecting yourself doesn’t make you a better dad, husband, or employee. In fact, it’s usually the opposite. It makes you grumpy, tired, resentful, and far less fun to be around. Carving out “you time” isn’t selfish; it’s actually one of the most generous things you can do. You show up better for everyone else when you’ve taken care of yourself first.
I know it’s cliché, but the whole “put your oxygen mask on first” analogy actually has merit. Take care of you, so you can take care of them.
Action Steps (Yes, Homework!)
Because I know how easy it is to read this and nod along without actually doing anything, let’s get concrete:
- Pick Your Moment: Morning, noon, or night—pick a time you can realistically protect. Even if it’s just 15-30 minutes, lock it in.
- Choose Your Activity: Find something that genuinely recharges you. It doesn’t have to be exercise or meditation. Maybe it’s woodworking, reading comics, or teaching yourself guitar (my condolences to your family’s ears).
- Commit for One Week: Set a specific goal—”For the next 7 days, I’ll wake up 20 minutes earlier and [insert your thing here].”
- Tell Someone About It: Accountability helps. Text a buddy and promise to send embarrassing selfies if you fail.
- Assess and Adjust: After a week, tweak it. Did it work? Was it awful? Make changes until you find your sweet spot.
You Got This, Dad
Remember, you’re not alone in feeling like you’ve lost touch with who you once were. It’s a normal part of dad life. But it doesn’t have to be permanent. Take back some time for you—it won’t magically fix everything, but I promise, it’ll make a surprising difference.
So tomorrow, when you find yourself bleary-eyed at some ungodly hour, remember you’re doing this for a guy who deserves it—yourself. And yes, maybe invest in better coffee.
You’ve got this, my friend. Time to find yourself again.
The Focused Fool Newsletter – Grow as Men. Lead as Fathers.
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