Have you ever caught yourself thinking, “If I could just make more money, then I’d finally have the lifestyle I want”? Yeah, me too. It’s like some internal calculator in my brain constantly converting dollars into happiness points. More money equals more vacations, more time, more freedom… right?
But what if that’s backward? What if, instead of trying to make more money to afford a certain lifestyle, I just started living that lifestyle and let the income sort itself out? What if I optimized for what I actually want instead of optimizing for income?
It sounds so simple when I say it like that. And yet, here I am—working late, scrolling job listings, pricing out side hustles, and justifying why this is necessary for “the dream.” Meanwhile, the dream itself—the life I claim to be working toward—sits on a shelf labeled “someday,” collecting dust next to my grand plans to learn a second language and finally organize the garage.
I don’t think I’m alone in this. Most of us are stuck in the same trap: working so hard for a future we never seem to arrive at. But lately, I’ve been wondering—what if the problem isn’t that I need more money, but that I need to refocus my habits?
Defining My Ideal Lifestyle
If I strip away the money piece, what do I actually want?
- Time with my kids, where I can explore their interests with them
- The ability to take my family on extended vacations
- Space in my day for exercise and fun physical activities like mountain biking, skiing, and camping
That’s it. That’s the dream. It’s not a private jet or a 10-car garage—it’s time. Presence. Adventure. It’s a lifestyle, not a paycheck. And yet, when I look at how I actually spend my time, I realize my daily schedule is about as aligned with that dream as a toddler putting on their own shoes.
I get sidetracked with house projects, new work opportunities, and even overcommitting my kids to activities (because, you know, “enrichment”—aka, scheduled chaos). I tell myself I’m doing all of this for them, but if I’m honest, I’m doing it because I’ve been conditioned to believe that success means financial growth, not lifestyle alignment.
The Rationalization Trap
Even though I think about this all the time, I still find myself rationalizing why I’m not spending my time in the right areas.
- “I just need to finish this project, and then I’ll have more free time.”
- “Once I hit [insert financial milestone], THEN I can focus on what I actually want.”
- “I can’t just cut back right now—what if we need more money later? Or what if there’s an emergency?
It’s the classic “one more thing” syndrome. One more year of hustle. One more raise. One more opportunity. But that’s the problem—there’s always one more. The window of opportunity to enjoy this time with my kids is small. And if I don’t intentionally shift my focus now, I’ll blink, and it’ll be gone faster than my motivation to clean out the garage.
So, How Do I Refocus?
If I want to start prioritizing my lifestyle over income, I need to change my habits. But how?
1. Rewriting the Script
I need to stop thinking of my ideal lifestyle as a reward for working harder and start treating it as the goal itself. Instead of asking, “How can I make more money?” I should be asking, “How can I make more time?” (Hint: It probably doesn’t involve spending an hour debating whether I need a standing desk.)
2. Journaling and Vision Boards (Yes, Really)
I used to roll my eyes at vision boards, but honestly, my brain is like a golden retriever—it needs constant reminders of what we’re chasing. Writing out my goals every morning, or even keeping a physical board of what my ideal lifestyle looks like, keeps my priorities in front of me. If it works for Olympians and CEOs, it can work for me.
3. Saying No More Often
If I’m overcommitted, it’s because I keep saying yes to things that don’t align with my actual goals. House projects can wait. Extra work opportunities can be turned down. My kids don’t need to be in five different extracurriculars (unless one of those activities includes “letting Dad take a nap”).
4. Automating Income Instead of Expanding It
This doesn’t mean I stop making money—it just means I stop trading so much of my time for it. Could I set up passive income streams? Could I simplify my work so it requires fewer hours? Could I scale back instead of always scaling up? Also, could I finally cancel those subscriptions I forgot I signed up for?
5. Daily Check-Ins
It’s easy to get sucked back into the money trap, so I need a system to keep myself accountable. Maybe I write down three ways I prioritized lifestyle at the end of each day. Maybe I set a weekly reminder to audit my time. Maybe I put a Post-it on my laptop that just says “Dude, go outside.”
What Would My Life Look Like If I Focused on Lifestyle?
Let’s imagine this for a second.
Instead of spending evenings scrolling through side hustle ideas, I’m outside playing soccer with my kids. Instead of spending weekends finishing house projects, I’m loading up for a camping trip. Instead of constantly feeling like I should be working, I’m actually present with my family.
I wake up, go for a run or hit the mountain bike trails. I work enough to sustain the life I want, but not so much that I don’t have time to live it. My kids remember me as someone who was there—not someone who was always “busy.”
That’s the life I want. And if I want it badly enough, then I need to start building it now, not later.
The Big Takeaway
The biggest realization in all of this? I don’t actually need to make more money to have the lifestyle I want. I need to stop letting money dictate my decisions. My time is the most valuable resource I have, and if I don’t intentionally prioritize it, I’ll keep trading it away for things that don’t really matter.
So the real question isn’t “How do I make more money?” The real question is “How do I start living the life I want today?”
And that’s a question worth answering.
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