I used to think that one day, I’d wake up and just get it together. Like, the switch would flip, and suddenly I’d be the guy who drinks enough water, wakes up before the alarm, and understands tax deductions. Spoiler alert: that day never came. Instead, I remain a man who keeps thinking one day I’ll wake up as the type of guy who enjoys kale and financial planning. Still waiting.
But lately, I’ve been thinking about this whole “self-improvement” thing more seriously. Not in a read-37-books-on-productivity way, but in a what if I actually followed through on something kind of way. Because here’s the truth: I don’t want to wake up a decade from now with the same habits, the same excuses, and the same regret that I never really tried to be better.
And I know I’m not alone in that. The question is: where do we start? How does an average guy, with a history of great intentions and mediocre execution, start making real changes? Well, here’s what I’ve been experimenting with:
Step 1: Start Small (Like, Ridiculously Small)
I used to plan my “new life” like an overconfident architect designing a skyscraper on a cocktail napkin. Wake up at 5 AM! Run five miles! Meditate for an hour! Write a novel before breakfast! You know what happened? By day three, I was stress-eating a burrito at 11 AM, wondering where it all went wrong.
Now, I’ve started focusing on tiny wins. Drink a glass of water first thing in the morning. Do ten pushups. Read for five minutes instead of scrolling social media while I lay with my 5- and 7-year-old boys, waiting for them to fall asleep. Turns out, small stuff adds up. And it’s way easier to stick with.
(Check out my article on Motivation is a Scam for more on why action matters more than waiting for inspiration.)
As Adam Braun said, “For any movement to gain momentum, one must start with a small action.” I remind myself of this when I think I am not making enough progress. If I am taking action, no matter how big or small, then I am on the right path. It is when I stop that I am in trouble.
Step 2: Make Failure a Feature, Not a Flaw
I used to think failure meant I wasn’t cut out for improvement. Now, I just see it as a Tuesday—just part of the process. But learning to accept failure didn’t come easy. One of the biggest lessons I learned about failure came from my battle with drinking. I was drinking at least a couple of glasses of wine most nights, waking up groggy and sometimes hungover. I wasn’t being a present dad or a patient husband. I kept trying to cut back, and it would work for a while, but then I would fall right back into the habit. I would beat myself up for failing. Then I tried to do a Dry January, and it stuck. It’s been three and a half years since my last drink—but that’s a story for another time.
That experience taught me that failure isn’t about messing up—it’s about whether you keep going. I didn’t get it right on the first try, or the second, or even the third. But I kept coming back, and that persistence made all the difference. That shift in mindset—from seeing failure as proof of inadequacy to proof of progress—changed how I approached growth. The key isn’t avoiding failure—it’s learning from it. As Thomas Edison put it, ‘We only fail when we stop trying.’
Step 3: Find Your Brotherhood
I’ve realized I’m not great at this whole “bettering myself” thing in isolation. Left to my own devices, I will justify anything (like why a five-minute walk counts as a full workout). But when I have people around me—whether it’s friends, mentors, or just like-minded guys who also want to improve—it makes all the difference. I need the accountability, the shared struggle, and sometimes, just someone to say, “Yeah, I totally messed that up too.”
And there’s science to back this up. Studies show that people who pursue goals in a group setting are more likely to succeed than those who try alone. Research from the American Psychological Association found that social support significantly increases adherence to fitness, career, and personal development goals (source). Another study found that people in group-based weight loss programs lost significantly more weight than those trying to lose weight alone (source). The reason? Accountability and shared momentum. When others are watching and supporting us, we’re far less likely to quit.
I learned this firsthand when I started making real changes in my life. The times I’ve stayed consistent—whether it was fitness, work, or personal growth—were the times I had other men pushing me, calling me out when I slacked, and reminding me why I started in the first place. I didn’t need constant motivation—I needed a Brotherhood that wouldn’t let me off the hook.
The truth is, most men go at it alone. We tell ourselves we should be able to figure things out solo. For some reason, men would rather wrestle a bear than admit they need accountability. (No judgment—just saying, one option statistically has better survival rates.) But isolation kills growth. The men who surround themselves with the right people? They level up. The ones who don’t? They stay stuck.
(Read more on why having the right people around you is crucial in my article on Brotherhood.)
So ask yourself—who’s pushing you? If the answer is no one, it’s time to change that.
Step 4: Just Start (Even If It’s Ugly)
I’ve spent too much time waiting for the “perfect time” to start something new—telling myself I’ll take action when I feel ready. But here’s what I’ve learned: readiness is a lie. If I waited until I felt completely prepared, I’d still be sitting around planning instead of doing. Progress comes from action, not from waiting.
I’ve also found it helpful to talk about my goals less—or not at all. Research shows that discussing goals can create a premature sense of accomplishment, giving a dopamine hit that tricks the brain into feeling like we’ve already made progress.
Instead of talking, I’ve learned to just start. Learn more here.
And when I catch myself slipping into that ‘wait for the right moment’ trap, I remind myself of a simple truth: momentum beats hesitation. If I need an extra push, I blast Rage Against the Machine’s Guerrilla Radio—because, as they put it, ‘What better place than here, what better time than now?’ Give it a listen here.
Final Thoughts
I’m not writing this because I have it all figured out—I don’t. I still have days where I fall off track, where I overthink, where I convince myself that maybe I’m just a guy who wasn’t meant to be consistent. But I’m trying to change that mindset. I don’t need to be perfect. I just need to be better than yesterday.
So, if you’ve been stuck in that same cycle of wanting to improve but never quite following through, consider this your sign. Let’s do this together. Let’s take the first step—even if it’s small, even if it’s shaky. Because in the end, the only real failure is never starting at all.
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I have some water to drink and ten pushups to do before I talk myself out of it.
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